My mission is simple: I am here to help you save ten hours of your life. I have experienced many movies that have caused me to bury my head in my hands and lament the two hours of my life that I will never get back. I present to you five of those movies:

1. Playing for Keeps. This is the story of a failed football star, George Dryer, trying to get his life back on track and repair his relationship with his son and his ex-wife. Dryer is presented as a playboy, which leads to various romantic entanglements that are not necessary to the story and end up dragging it down. After Dryer moves to his son’s town, three women immediately begin throwing themselves at him, while he remains in love with his ex-wife, who is engaged to someone else. The concept of a father trying to reform himself is charming, and the movie definitely has some sweet moments, but the story is bogged down by Dryer’s cheap and meaningless escapades that take up way too much screen time.
2. All the Good Things. If you can handle a really depressing film about abuse, trauma, and murder, you probably won’t mind this one, but if you can’t, steer clear of All the Good Things. There’s nothing wrong with dark themes in a movie, but this is excessive. The protagonist, Katie Marks, slowly unravels as her relationship with her husband, David, becomes more abusive and controlling. David’s abuse stems from horrifying childhood trauma. Watching these two characters is like watching a train wreck in slow motion. There is nothing remotely uplifting in this story. If you’re like me, you’re just going to walk away from this movie feeling sad.
3. Something Borrowed. This movie is about a young woman, Rachel, who becomes involved with her best friend Darcy’s fiancée, Dex, and then tries to deal with the fallout. Here’s the problem: all of the characters are fundamentally unlikeable and superficial. Darcy is self-involved and very shallow. Rachel is selfish and continually hurts the people who are closest to her. Dex is pathetically indecisive and sleazy. This is a vapid movie about vapid people.
4. The Ugly Truth. There are few movies that I can’t watch all the way through, but this movie was so mentally debasing that I just couldn’t make it. I turned it off about halfway through. The movie centers on the relationship between Abby, a straight-laced and stubborn TV producer, and Mike, a crude and ruthlessly blunt TV star. At first, they clash, but Mike makes a deal to help Abby get the man of her dreams. Much like Playing for Keeps, this concept could have worked, but the execution failed. Half of the dialogue consists of gross vulgarities and general coarseness. It’s just bad.

The Weekend Away. This movie had a strong start and a lot of potential. It’s about two women, Beth and Kate, who go on a weekend getaway. When Kate is murdered and Beth becomes the main suspect, Beth must piece together the mystery of her best friend’s death. The movie ends with several plot holes, which is the main problem. Twist endings need to be backed up by an explanation for everything that’s happened before, but this movie just randomly pulls one over the audience and leaves plot points unexplained. Another problem is how the movie tells rather than shows. They try to inform the audience about who Kate really is, as well as the nature of her friendship with Beth, through what Beth says about her, when Kate’s actual decisions point to the opposite of who Beth claims she is. The Weekend Away is a clumsily written movie without much substance.